I Thought It Was Just Me

I'm way behind on my book updates. I finished this back in February.

Along with reading books about ADHD, I've also been seeking out titles that deal with anxieties around perfectionism. "I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't)" is a powerful exploration of the pervasive feelings of shame and the struggle for worthiness that many people experience. While not explicitly about perfectionism, the book delves into societal and self-imposed pressures that lead individuals to question their self-worth, offering insights on how to overcome these feelings. Brown combines personal anecdotes, extensive research, and practical advice to guide readers toward a more compassionate and authentic way of living.

Many of you are likely already familiar with Brené Brown: she is a nationally renowned speaker and has earned numerous awards for her research on shame, vulnerability, and self-worth. In this book, she provides a thorough examination of how shame manifests in our lives and how it can be countered through empathy and connection. Her writing style is accessible and engaging, making complex psychological concepts easy to understand. The book's pacing is steady, balancing personal stories, research findings, and actionable advice.

I took SO many notes from this book. Just a few that stood out to me…

"Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health diagnosis, one serious illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being 'those people'--the ones we don't trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don't let our children play with, the ones bad things happen to, the ones we don't want living next door."

"Merely letting go of unattainable goals makes us less susceptible to shame. When we believe 'we must be this' we ignore who or what we actually are, our capacity, and our limitations. We start from the image of perfection, and of course, from perfection there is nowhere to go but down. When we think, 'I want my parents to see me as the perfect daughter,' all we can do is fail. First, perfection is unattainable. Second, we can't control how people perceive us. Lastly, there is no way that we can do every single thing that is expected of us or that we expect of ourselves. ...When we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, when we find self-worth despite our imperfections, when we build connection networks that affirm and value us as imperfect beings, we are much more capable of change."

"The electronic community is less diverse than real life. The problems it deals with are not the problems real people face... People who are not visually interesting, which is most of us, are underrepresented. The stories that are selected are those that make money. A richness and complexity of real life disappears. In our culture, the fear and shame of being ordinary is very real... We seem to measure the value of people's contributions (and sometimes their entire lives) by their level of public recognition. In other words, worth is measured by fame and fortune. Our culture is quick to dismiss quiet, ordinary, hardworking men and women. In many instances, we equate ordinary with boring or, even more dangerous, ordinary has become synonymous with meaningless. ...If we are going to recognize and accept what makes us human, including our imperfections and less-than-extraordinary lives, we must embrace our vulnerabilities."

This book is a must-read for anyone who struggles with feelings of inadequacy or is interested in understanding the dynamics of shame and vulnerability. It's particularly suitable for fans of self-help and psychology, as well as those who appreciate a blend of personal narrative and academic research.